reminisce

Wow. It's a good 4 years since my last post. I guess my language ain't much difference now. I want to get straight to the point. I miss this blog because I felt it's the only place I can write my inner screams, tears and gloom. Maybe one day, one day someone can see this, realize a little bit of something and understanding a little bit more of something regarding me. If anyone bothers to.

What's exciting is the fact no one knows this blog. So why do I bother writing here?! The internet's lifetime is much longer than a computer and I can access this blog easily like a diary from anywhere. I'll rant as much as I want, laugh as much as I want and type as much as I want here. Fore note, 4 years is a pretty long time, I ain't sure how much I am gonna write this time.

Okay, to begin (finally), I should really be doing my final assignment now on economics. Gee, I am taking undergraduate studies and it's a joyful feeling smeared by frequent bouts of regret. But I hope it'll do me good since I don't have a clear picture or goal to work for in my human life. Can't wait for the day a brilliant idea just boom in my mind. Father up there, I am praying.

Somewhere during these 4 years I've come to know myself a bit more, if there's anything meaningful that I accomplished. Knowing that one thing made me so tired; I have quite some years to go. I've seen alot, but I haven't seen enough. I know much, but I don't know even more. The way I am, it's what humans would call "destined", to be largely different. So, this is what being lonely feels like. Sometimes, I wonder if I've finished puberty, but no, I am really alone. This blog is probably one of my best companions.

There are so many things I see, like and want to do, that's different from the rest. I don't feel really special, even though I understand I am unique. Suddenly I feel like there'll only be one out there who can really know me. Laughing and smiling everyday in the world makes me weary, but searching actively makes me even more weary. I am sure there's someone out there. I wonder when I can come into contact. All in due time, yes, but I am so weary. I can grow stronger, but I am weary. I can go on, but I am weary. I can wait, but I am weary. It's been really long.

I've wait for many, many years... But when will you finally appear?

Back to my current human tasks. Economics, is a real pain. Real. Pain. I've gotta do something about my huge eye bags.