...

The day I saw you, I had the feeling.
I began to know you and it set me thinking.
I kept my distance because it was right,
but all I could do was merely watching you cried.
My heart goes out to you,
and I already knew,
one day a beautiful dream will begin,
to make you forget where you've been.
What you are missing,
I will restore,
and I will pick you from where you fall.
You will find yourself again,
and none of that sorrow will remain.
But like all dreams regardless of good or bad,
it will end and you'll be sad.
I cannot remove your pain,
but I can replace it.
In the end you'll find yourself in sorrow again.
Therefore I try really hard,
to be just a friend.
When there's none you can turn to,
I'll be there for you.
I will appear when you need,
during your joy I will leave.
I wanted to be someone special,
whom you'll feel is truly real.
Yet my heart is only human,
and I could not stop myself.
I decided to cross the line,
and you took it as a sign.
There's no turning back for me,
when my heart is already given.
Though I feel that it is hard,
I try my best to capture your heart.
I hope one day you'll see me like a drug,
one which you heart can't do without.
I am not certain if I can break,
this dreadful end like a chain of fate.
But I am more than wiling to give it a go,
to bring us to the day which we are blessed to behold.
Then I'll look back and start laughing,
the fears that turned nought and the pains we've fought.

reminisce

Wow. It's a good 4 years since my last post. I guess my language ain't much difference now. I want to get straight to the point. I miss this blog because I felt it's the only place I can write my inner screams, tears and gloom. Maybe one day, one day someone can see this, realize a little bit of something and understanding a little bit more of something regarding me. If anyone bothers to.

What's exciting is the fact no one knows this blog. So why do I bother writing here?! The internet's lifetime is much longer than a computer and I can access this blog easily like a diary from anywhere. I'll rant as much as I want, laugh as much as I want and type as much as I want here. Fore note, 4 years is a pretty long time, I ain't sure how much I am gonna write this time.

Okay, to begin (finally), I should really be doing my final assignment now on economics. Gee, I am taking undergraduate studies and it's a joyful feeling smeared by frequent bouts of regret. But I hope it'll do me good since I don't have a clear picture or goal to work for in my human life. Can't wait for the day a brilliant idea just boom in my mind. Father up there, I am praying.

Somewhere during these 4 years I've come to know myself a bit more, if there's anything meaningful that I accomplished. Knowing that one thing made me so tired; I have quite some years to go. I've seen alot, but I haven't seen enough. I know much, but I don't know even more. The way I am, it's what humans would call "destined", to be largely different. So, this is what being lonely feels like. Sometimes, I wonder if I've finished puberty, but no, I am really alone. This blog is probably one of my best companions.

There are so many things I see, like and want to do, that's different from the rest. I don't feel really special, even though I understand I am unique. Suddenly I feel like there'll only be one out there who can really know me. Laughing and smiling everyday in the world makes me weary, but searching actively makes me even more weary. I am sure there's someone out there. I wonder when I can come into contact. All in due time, yes, but I am so weary. I can grow stronger, but I am weary. I can go on, but I am weary. I can wait, but I am weary. It's been really long.

I've wait for many, many years... But when will you finally appear?

Back to my current human tasks. Economics, is a real pain. Real. Pain. I've gotta do something about my huge eye bags.

hmmm

Now is almost 8 months into my NS life.
WOW! ORDing is becoming to look like a possibility.
So what would I do when i ORD? No idea, man. Anyway, that's still helluva long way to go.

3 months of BMT was a breeze enjoyable journey for NS standards. I won't forget all the buddies made there.

Now 9 months of officer-cadet phase and I am reaching 5 months into it. Still alright so far, but I can feel the shit and pain coming very, very soon.

Arghhh. Being made to be in charge of holding some event. Crack man. I would do it if they would give me a few days of undisturbed rest. But multi-tasking-and-responsibilities are just expectations. Anyway, it's not that hard, just that I am very lazy to do so. Some degree of uninterest.

I am currently feeling the half-fuck mood lols. So much things I wish to write down. So reluctant to type any further. So badly I wanted things to be shown here. The way I look at my situation now, comparing to all my friends, is so... wtfbbq. Comes my favorite song "I walk this empty street, on a boulevard of broken dreams. Today, is gonna be the day, that I got to throw it back to you" but I still haven't reach "By now, you should have somehow realise what you got to do"

Reflecting a bit further I realise I haven't change a bit at all. I feel exactly the same whenever I have some quality-deep-peaceful-personal-time. I guess many of us feel the same way. How alone we are. How lonely I am. From my perspective.

Boooooom.

3 months have passed, some things stayed the same and some don't.

But what matters the most is i've somehow survived through all the shitcracks.

So to summarize the important things that happened i guess the first on the list is simply that i am now jobless.

Before anyone giggles at that i'll have to disappoint them by saying i am gonna be attached to the government in 1 month's time anyway =). My mentality for national service is, quite positively, changing from bad to better.

So in this 1 month of freedom i am having fun, sleeping late and long, playing basketball with my pals. Basketball is a dangerous topic tho, but i guess it wouldn't kill anyone. So for a start i am gonna say that my buddy ky is a fag. Nah just kidding. I haven't been playing for a long time, and the body doesn't seem to be able to twitch up to action like before. Thanks for the "compliments" being spread around about me, but i ain't good to be worth shit. Perhaps my best is already history, but nevertheless i hope to be able to perform better.

And that, just sort of summarizes a quarter of the stuff that happened. Now for my lunch.

calm before the final boss

As the rain fall against the soft glow of the horizon, memories flowed like an embrace to the mind.

I am at my weakest... and i've never been at my strongest. Lessons were never learnt, advice was never taken.

There is no room for self-pity. I have to score points in life.

Lyra

Today's a new day and a new start. Indeed a new start in many ways. So for a start it's obvious i erased 2 years of posts on this blog.

2 years of posts where i've...

felt a need for appreciation;
gone through the clouds, sunshine and storms of relationships;
dreamt nightmares of spoilt shoes;
injured friends on the court and getting injured;
worried a ton for exams;
missed alot of missing people in my life;
expressed appreciation for what people have done for me;
described people in my life in funny ways;
and just lots of random shit which you can see the title of this blog states.

a blog is probably a place where someone tries their best to sound exactly like what they are if they ain't covering up for the sake of

1) placing google ads
2) working for some notch advertising company that pays a measly sum for a little promoting
3) avoiding their tail being seen by relatives, lovers, families, etc etc.

So indeed i am in no way chained to any of the above. If anyone doesn't have a clue about what i am saying, i am simply stating that i am sounding exactly like myself in this blog. Lmao.

So what do i sound like?

I have a voice that normally sounds cool and manly. Don't giggle on that.
This voice often goes off pitch when i laughed horribly at something which made me laugh. Yes i can be a horrible laughing person. But it's not that bad as you imagine. I understand you're thinking of those people who laughed with the sound like what horses make when they got their tails and asses chewed by huge carrion flies.
I am explicit in my choice of language sometimes. It made me feel as if i have split personalities.

That's random shit for you.

Before it hits 12am i'll quickly blog about my working life.

First off billion thanks to jaysen (since he likes to call himself that) for helping me in the first place.

Getting attached to baleno kingdom wasn't a wrong choice. That's my opinion.

I've seen most of the flow and switches of situations which an employee can get himself in.
From feeling like a 100% part-timer i've suddenly grown to feel like an in-charge.
Nah i ain't saying i am doing as well as what an in-charge is expected of but just starting out with similar responsibilities now. Thankfully, it's in a small measure. Meaning, i ain't getting loaded with a 5k burden, just a 1.5 or so. Fine, you won't understand it anyway. And i don't wanna get robbed randomly by a random reader.

Yesterday suntec outlet (i.p. zone combined baleno) was closed down. It's maximum sad! We were all like one family. I admit age was a factor, our differences are minute. So it was damn fun, jokes raised to the highest, yet being on an appreciable level! even our newest colleague got fitted in to the picture in less than 5 days. I think i took shorter though, 3 days =P and though i am the 2nd newest and ain't have the biggest share of fun among the others, i didn't feel that significant difference. It was a happy feeling to be involved and getting poked at just like the others. True the work sucks sometimes 'cos i was feeling like an underpaid employee but damn, for the first time i feel eager to go to work.

And now we are all splitted apart! Omfg it's like a knife through me. I'll miss every single of ya =) Carol (let's smoke), Siew Chern (stop laughing for no reason), Sebas (fugging afro ninja) Yen Loo (where's the kbox?!) and of 'cos da newest chic Mabel! (or Mebel? i was pretty sure someone spelt this name wrongly somewhere) Some of the things i like about this little group, is that they never hold back their laughter. They never bothered to hold back their jokes too. There's freaking lots of things to get involved on and laughed about. Shit, the way i put it, it ain't even sound anything like work. That's how great it's been.

Now i am slacking at the warehouse sale, playing psp whole day, yea damn it's relaxing no shit but the group's missing =( gotta get used to a little quietness for now. Thank God, Ronald's with me, now ain't that something to reckon about =x non-stop chattering. Bwahahahaha!

Now my emotions are in motion,
whilst my body is in relaxation.
Such a complication,
I am set in confusion.

You are reading random crap.